On the rollercoaster again!!!

Tuesday 10th November, 2009
Confusion reigns supreme at the moment. The truth can only set you free if you embrace that truth as your own. The moment you question it, you are once again imprisoned.
Accepting that I am an empath has been a struggle.
First I questioned God’s place in all of this. If this is not “on purpose” then it has no place in my life. For days I questioned this until I realized that His creations are perfect. He does not make mistakes. I am His creation and He created me as I am. So to deny this is in effect to deny myself. Ever so slowly I am absorbing this as my truth.
Then came the painful part, understanding this, in relation to my life experience thus far.
I had until that point made “some” sense of it all or had at least “talked” myself into an understanding of why I had been the way I was. But I still saw myself as a victim to my depression in that I still could not predict when things could turn bad. And once they did all I could do was brace myself for the ride until it was over.
Now, viewing my life through new eyes, I am slowly letting go of so much guilt that I have carried for so long.
At this point it is difficult to write about.
I have glimpsed moments of true clarity which overwhelmed me. And I have had moments of utter confusion and despair where I feared I would end up back in hospital.
It is slow going at present but I am moving forward and that is all that matters here.
I think I have to stop looking for validation and acceptance of who I am in the eyes of others and really start to search deep within me. I keep hearing the “soft inner voice” guiding me gently to turn inwards and stop looking outside for the answers I seek.