Monday, 26th of October,2009
Wake up and talk to me, it’s a long time since last night I know we said things, the saddest things,and I'm not sure it was wise.When the morning's sad you don't look back and you sure don't look ahead. The morning sad,
The morning sad,never had it so bad….
Veruca Salt
Song lyrics always have a way of putting into words and expressing exactly what I’m feeling or experiencing at any given moment. Today, Veruca Salt’s “The Morning Sad “, plays in my head like a soundtrack to my present reality.
I stayed up until close to four this morning in an attempt to not have to “wake up” again and start another day miserably. Notice I said “start the day miserably” as opposed to “face another miserable day”, which was the first thought that entered my mind. As easily as it came, I chose to let it go and take responsibility rather than be a victim. Not easy but lately it’s happening more and more. And the recognition of that fact is what I need to hold onto right now to get me through this day and out the other side.
Writing also helps। It has got me through some of the darkest periods in my life. To get the thoughts out of my head requires a certain organization which gives me clarity and at times it affords me the luxury of insight when in reading over what I have written, I suddenly “see” what was not visible to me as an abstract thought. As with all things that help me when I am in a depressed state, I mostly lack the motivation to do it at the times when it would most benefit me. I realize this is something I can change though, as I recognize my inability to write when I most need to clear my head, as just a conditioned response in order to avoid something unpleasant.
Wake up and talk to me, it’s a long time since last night I know we said things, the saddest things,and I'm not sure it was wise.When the morning's sad you don't look back and you sure don't look ahead. The morning sad,
The morning sad,never had it so bad….
Veruca Salt
Song lyrics always have a way of putting into words and expressing exactly what I’m feeling or experiencing at any given moment. Today, Veruca Salt’s “The Morning Sad “, plays in my head like a soundtrack to my present reality.
I stayed up until close to four this morning in an attempt to not have to “wake up” again and start another day miserably. Notice I said “start the day miserably” as opposed to “face another miserable day”, which was the first thought that entered my mind. As easily as it came, I chose to let it go and take responsibility rather than be a victim. Not easy but lately it’s happening more and more. And the recognition of that fact is what I need to hold onto right now to get me through this day and out the other side.
Writing also helps। It has got me through some of the darkest periods in my life. To get the thoughts out of my head requires a certain organization which gives me clarity and at times it affords me the luxury of insight when in reading over what I have written, I suddenly “see” what was not visible to me as an abstract thought. As with all things that help me when I am in a depressed state, I mostly lack the motivation to do it at the times when it would most benefit me. I realize this is something I can change though, as I recognize my inability to write when I most need to clear my head, as just a conditioned response in order to avoid something unpleasant.
The unpleasantness I refer to, is truth. When I face myself in this way and am able to observe the workings of my mind through my writings, I am almost always inevitably faced with the truth about myself. Once that happens, I can no longer ignore that aspect of myself that needs to be let go off. And then the real pain begins……………
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