A time to cry…

Sunday 1st November, 2009
As the heavens opened up this morning, so did a floodgate of emotion that sprung forth from wherever that place is inside of me that stores every unshed tear I have suppressed. It has abated for now but I know there is so much more to come. And I welcome it, for I know that this is part of healing. It heals my mind, it heals my body and it heals my Spirit. No part of me is unaffected by what is going on.
The anger that served as a barrier to communication has transformed into compassion. I doubt this would have happened if I had not released some of the internal pressure which was manifesting as anger in my life. Those inexplicable tears were the means through which this was achieved. It has taken me 43 years to learn that it is okay, no, necessary to cry.
As the anger that clouded my vision gave way to clear sight, I saw that for weeks now I had been sharing my life with a stranger because the person I was seeing was not the man I am in love with. In actual fact he is still the same, I just wasn’t seeing him. All I saw was the projection that resulted from my unresolved anger. Anger that he actually had nothing to do with. And when I finally did see him today, all I felt was his pain.
This understanding does not bring with it the peace that I was hoping for, in that I see that it has come at the cost of hurting someone I truly adore. Having decided to have a few days apart to just “be” and detox from each other a bit, I do find some comfort in knowing that it has served the same purpose in his life as it has in mine, it has given him the opportunity to heal.